Finish an ice cream sandwich.- Feel an overwhelming (but ridiculous) sense of guilt.
- Go to bed, promising that tomorrow will be different.
- Get up.
- Forget that today is different.
- Have Pop-Tarts for breakfast.
- Decide that tomorrow will DEFINITELY be different.
- Forget again.
- Monday is a much better day to start being different.
- Get up on Monday.
- Pep-talk yourself into feeling light and airy.
- Side-eye the number on the scale.
- Sigh as you wonder why the scale hates you.
- Have an icy cold Coke Zero at your desk for breakfast
- Take the long way around the office hallways to avoid the free donuts.
- Death stare the donuts from your desk (hate burns calories, you know).
- Have a fresh, delicious, veggie-filled salad for lunch.
- Be hungry 8 minutes later.
- Contemplate a second salad (topped with a cheeseburger).
- Do a few laps around the office to ignore the urge.
- Assiduously avoid the 3/4 of a lonely donut left from the morning.
- Hate your co-worker for allowing their lunch smells to waft into your cubicle.
- Wonder if setting up a strategically-placed fan would cause bad feelings.
- Decide you don’t care one whit whether it does or not.
- Fight through similar battles all afternoon.
- Stomach echoing from emptiness, finally leave the office.
- Drive past every fast food restaurant ever built on the commute home.
- Go through drive-through, don’t order anything, but sit, silently drooling, in front of the payment window.
- Take free sniffs.
- Notice a single tear falling down your cheek.
- Get home and be greeted by the dog (who reminds you that she’s NOT on a diet and would appreciate dinner).
- Bake a hearty piece of salmon.
- Steam some broccoli.
- Season some really fine oxygen to add to the plate.
- Inhale dinner in approximately 4.7 seconds.
- Look for more (there isn’t any).
- Open the refrigerator again to see if anything changed in the last minute.
- Note that nothing new has yet appeared.
- Three minutes later, full of hope, peek into the refrigerator.
- Accept that refrigerator-food fairy godmothers apparently do not exist.
- One more tear slides down your cheek (maybe that’s another calorie burned?).
- Go to bed hungry.
- Dream of food trucks and BBQ’s and Chinese buffet restaurants.
- Wake up hungry.
- Think light, airy thoughts.
- Hop on the scale with eyes closed.
- Slowly open eyes, fearfully looking at that dreaded number.
- Whoop it up! Victory! One pound GONE!
- Celebrate with pancakes, eggs, bacon and a few donuts (you deserve it, after all).
- Repeat as necessary.
I am an idiot when it comes to anything “blog”. Is this a way for me to get your posts? HA!