A few evenings ago, just before 9pm, I completed my 50th trip around the sun and started my 51st. I am now officially IN my fifties, rather than just 50. And can I just say, the world throwing me a pandemic to celebrate my 50th year, well, it was pretty overwhelming – I wasn’t expecting such a big gift! I do wish I hadn’t thrown out the receipt, though, because I would so be returning this sucker.
One of my favorite quotes (from author Gretchen Rubin) is “The days are long, but the years are short.” The older I get, the more true it feels, though sometimes, now, even the days are short. And so before I start forgetting more than just where I put my reader glasses (when they are on the top of my head), indulge me while I ramble on about lessons that I’ve learned in the 50 years that have seemingly whooshed by me.
- Always be nicer to strangers than you need to be. You never know what they’re going through, ya know? That car that just cut you off in traffic? Maybe they just got a call that someone they love is in the hospital. The checkout clerk that was a little snippy? Perhaps they just got yelled at for no reason by a customer ahead of you in line. It doesn’t hurt to be kind and polite and you might just be making the day of the person at whom you aim your goodwill.
- Never stop learning. Whether it’s reading books on topics that interest you, or listening to podcasts or going to hear someone lecture or even joining a group to learn a new sport or hobby – keep you brain sparking and firing. Go down those rabbit holes and be proud of it! The mind is hungry for food all the time, so give it something meaty to digest whenever possible. Plus, perhaps it’ll help you remember where you put your reader glasses.
- Appreciate everything around you. From the small things – the coffee mug you got from someone special, a hello wave from a neighbor, the birds chirping – to the big things – the family around you, the friends who are there when you need them, the pets who loyally stay by your side – that’s your life. Stop. Notice it. Breathe it in. Tell people you love them. Pet the dog. Say “hey” to the moon next time you see her since she’s always there for you. Take the time now because those sorts of things matter more than you think.
- Don’t give a shit what other people think about you. Is this easy? Of course not. Is it one of the most freeing things you can do? Abso-frickin-lutely. This lesson was slow in coming to me – only around my mid-40’s did I stop caring so much – but it’s probably been one of the highlights of my middle age. Got an opinion about something I’m doing? Are you one of my family members or a very close friend? No? Then go ahead and chuck it in the fuckit bucket with the rest of the opinions I no longer care about.
- Music and laughter are two of the most healing sounds I know of in the world. I’m not saying that you should stop taking anti-depressants (lordy help the people around me if I ever did that!), but that when you’re down, listening to music can move something within your soul, actually cause it to grow and at least slightly overshadow some of the darkness. And, a full-on belly laugh, whether with a friend or from a viral video – you can’t tell me there’s any better release than laughing so hard your sides hurt and tears stream down your face.
- Be satisfied and accepting of the person you are today while always working towards being better. These aren’t contradicting states; we are never a finished product (at least not until the mortician has their way with us) and remember that constantly evolving is healthy and impossible to stop. Berating yourself for being too this or too that doesn’t help that process – love yourself, talk to yourself the way you would talk to a friend, and then do the work to make yourself better than yesterday.
- Do that thing that you want. Do it soon. Do it now. Don’t wait to be “ready”; you’ll never be ready if you’re waiting for that perfect state. Life is short and tomorrow is not promised. Do All The Things. Sometimes these sorts of things are scary. That’s okay. Be scared. Do it anyway. Trust yourself enough to know that no matter what happens from taking that leap, that you’ll be able to survive and thrive. Believe in your own resiliency. Whether you fly or fall, you’ve got what it takes to move through it and meet the next challenge head-on.
I’ve made it 50 years now, I hope to make it another 50 (I have the same hope for my retirement funds!) living out these lessons for the rest of my life. There’s so much work to be done in this world and all I want to do is help illuminate my one little corner of it. If there’s anything that I’ve learned in all of my trips around the sun, the big systemic problems can’t be fixed by one person, but I’ll use my energy and privilege to do my part.
And one last piece of advice: like Brene Brown says as she closes every “Unlocking Us” podcast: Stay awkward, brave and kind.
