I feel…

I feel … optimistic about the Lean Eating program laying out the skills that I need to live a healthier life.  As I’ve talked about before, this is a different approach for me and I think the “mental side first” way of doing things might be just what I was looking for.

I feel … scared that I’ll have the solution in front of me and not follow through anyway. 

I feel … stronger than I have in quite awhile and have remembered how much I like lifting heavy stuff (but not that desk, Jim!). I still have a good layer of mushiness on top of everything, but I’m starting to see muscles peeking out just a bit.

I feel … anxious that this might work for everyone but me, because I’m somehow broken. Goes back to the whole thing where I give it my best effort and still it doesn’t work.

I feel … determined to give this my best effort, and as long as I do that, be happy no matter what the results might be.  There’s pride to be had in the doing.  I really need to remember this.

I feel … resistant sometimes to being told what to do, even though I know it’s for my own good — apparently I still have a bit of rebellious teenager left in me.  Or toddler.  One of the two.

I feel … hopeful that in a year’s time, I’ll be much more fit and able to get back to doing all the things that I love to do without feeling self-conscious.  I just want my body to respond and take orders when I give them … you know, how I’d like my dogs to act.

I feel … buoyed by the support of all the women in my small accountability group.  They’re great with the “you go, girl!” motivation when needed and sound advice when asked for it.  I think this group will be my lifeline.  We’re all going through the same thing and the shared experience will be critical to our success.

I feel … regretful that I didn’t do anything sooner.  I hate how much time I’ve wasted not feeling good about myself.

I feel … kick-ass for finally deciding not to waste any more time and do something about what was bothering me. It’s empowering to know that I’ve that I’ve got it in me to change. 

I feel … good.  And that about sums it up, I suppose.  All of the above, wrapped up in a nice, neat package, is good. Nothing is perfect, no situation is custom-made, but where I’m at right now?  It’s good.  Not great, not totally awesome, but a solid, sure-that-things-will-just-get-better-and-better good.