Anatomy of a 5-mile run

.02 miles: Ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch…

Not exactly what I’m thinking at any mileage…

.05 miles: Must. Walk.

.15 miles: Okay, back at it… easy, easy…

.76 miles: This might not be so bad.

.83 miles: “Not so bad” … What was I thinking?!

1.00 miles: Walk break! Woot!

1.32 miles: What percentage of done am I? Let’s see, 2.5 miles would be halfway, so 1.25 would be a quarter of the way through, so 1.32 … hmmm… okay, 1.33… 1.34… well, let’s just swag it at about 30% done. Almost done!


1.37 miles:  Okay, no.  30% isn’t even close to almost done.

2.00 miles: Walk break. Thank god.

2.10 miles: Get going, get going, get going…

2.11 miles: Okay, for reals now. Get going.

2.12 miles:  FOR REALS, body.  MOVE.

2.50 miles: HALFWAY! Now I’m *really* almost done.

2.64 miles: Dang. This wasn’t over as soon as I thought it would be…

3.00 miles: Walk break, water break, change from podcast to music break, pep talk break, mop off sweat break, aren’t I done yet self-talk break and then I’m all out of time as the treadmill clicks to 3.10 miles.

3.10 miles: Run! Run! Run! Maybe if I sound excited, my body will feel that way too?

3.82 miles: What the hell was I thinking, getting on the treadmill and loading up this workout? Huh? Stupid, stupid, stupid. Remind me never to do this again.

4.00 miles: Four miles would be just as good as five, right? This is a nice, round number, perfectly respectable and more than most people in the world are running right now. It would be a good time to quit, wouldn’t it?

4.01 miles: Damn. Thought too long, now I’ve got to keep going to five miles.

4.10 miles: Okay feet, don’t fail me now. Time for the last bit of running. You can do it, you can do anything for 10 minutes, right? No troubles, no worries, just one foot in front of the other…

4.36 miles: Isn’t it at 5 miles yet?

4.39 miles: Not yet?

4.42 miles: Still not. Sigh.

4.50 miles: Halfway through the last mile. The math was too easy, I should do this again at 4.57 miles.


4.57 miles:  <incapable of math>

4.62 miles: Sweat in my eyes! Oh my god, the pain!! I’m blinded!

4.71 miles: The faster I run, the faster I’m done…

4.77 miles: Okay, slow down, can’t go that fast…

4.87 miles: Closer, closer, closer…

4.92 miles: Done yet?

4.93 miles: Is the treadmill broken? I should be done by now.

4.94 miles: What the hell…

4.95 miles: It’s gotta be broken…

4.96 miles: Less than 30 seconds. Don’t wimp out now!

4.97 miles: *%&$*#(@

4.98 miles: Must. Not. Trip.

4.99 miles: Breathe. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.

5.00 miles: I did it. Made it. Accomplished my goal. Sure, I’m a sweat-soaked mess but at least I can lay claim to a job well done. Or, at least, a job done. No trips or spills or falls. No tears, no blood, no major injuries. I can only hope my next run is as totally awesome as this one.  Can’t wait!