Thanksgiving has always been one of my favorite holidays — all the great food of Christmas without all the hassle of buying gifts and wrapping presents, AND there’s football on TV. Does life get any better than that?
This year, however, it’s a little bit tougher to be as grateful; this will be the first Thanksgiving — the first holiday at all, actually — without my brother Jim around. He passed away in August from colorectal cancer (get your colonoscopy, folks!) in a manner that felt breathtakingly fast. From not looking or feeling well, to a doctor’s appointment, to the hospital and then, two weeks later, no longer with us.
And now it’s impossible to envision the holiday with his spot missing. He was always the big personality in the room — the younger version of my late Uncle Eddie who had a big laugh and drew such pleasure at teasing anybody who seemed the least bit vulnerable to it.
As if the universe knew what I needed to hear, there was an interview with Nora McInerny on one of my podcasts that addressed this idea of grief and how it seems so crass to be told that you should just “move on.” What if I don’t WANT to move on, she said (a thought that I echo)? Nora McInerny speaks beautifully on the topic after having endured more tragedy of which I could ever conceive and it’s worth hearing her words: instead of moving on, you move forward, implying that you never leave anything or anyone behind, you just bring them with in your heart, in your memories, in your thoughts and in your life.
So instead of another “normal” holiday, my family and I find ourselves in the position of navigating this new normal. Jim was always the one that brought the wine and enjoyed pouring drinks. Someone else will need to do that now. He was also the one that would jokingly/seriously pile spoonful after spoonful of Cool Whip on his slice of pie, and now someone else will need to do that to keep up the tradition (I’m nominating myself).
And grief is such a funny thing. Some days I’m cursing Jim out because he didn’t have any of his affairs in order (honestly, I feel like I could write an entire blog post on what we should ALL do to help out those who might be left behind in our absence). Some days I run across something techy and my first thought is that Jim would love it. Some days it’s just dealing with all the logistics of managing his estate. But not a day goes by that I don’t think about him.
We’re all moving forward. With Jim, even though he’s not here. And one thing that this has taught us is to not take family, friends, life, health or anything, really, for granted. You never know how the dice will roll, whether in your favor or not and it’s wise to take the time to count those blessings and be present with the ones you love.
And with that I’ll say: Happy Thanksgiving! Watch some football, eat more turkey and pie than you think is healthy and know that even when things are bad or no longer “normal” that there are points of light. Notice them. Be grateful. Move forward.
